Is It Only Me?
Some days I feel like I'm okay, and I can conquer the world. Some days I feel so overwhelmed that life just spins and twirls. I try so hard to be all things, to wear so many hats. Mom, wife, daughter, friend, someone who writes & acts. But there are days when it all seems to be too much for me, And I just wish I could relax and allow myself to BE. I constantly feel I should do better, work harder, and try more. I question if I am enough, on myself I declare a war. I need to write, I need to clean, I need to exercise. My skin is wrinkled, my hairs are grey, and I can't stand my thighs. I hope that I am being a good mom, that the decisions I make are best. The older he gets, the harder the choices, I hope I pass the test. To be a good wife and support My Knight is so important to me. But there's some days when I am sure I'm not the best mate I could be. I have a faith that's very strong, I talk to God each day. But sometimes I am not so great at doing what He says. My friends, I know, all have their lives and stresses with which they cope. I wish I was better at reaching out and trying to give them hope. I am grateful for staying at home and trying to be a writer, I am determined to make this work, to show our critics I'm a fighter. So freelancing, blogs, and virtual clients are always on my mind, And scenes from stories in my head are playing all the time. So many projects crowd my thoughts, so many things to complete. If only I could slow it down, then maybe I could think. I wish that I was always productive, organized, and neat. I wish there were not piles of papers on the floor beside my feet. My house is never spotless, it's usually clutter and mess, So though I love a party, I'd have to clean to invite guests. I believe that it's all connected--body, spirit and mind. But time for yoga and meditation I can't seem to find. Don't get me wrong, it's not my intention to moan or complain. I am grateful for many blessings, and in life I have much gained. But for today, I don't feel strong. I don't feel like I can focus. My thoughts are jumbled and I need help, a little hocus-pocus. Do you ever feel this way, or is it only me? Do you ever feel like you can't be all that you should be? Do you ever look around and it seems that you can see, people who have it more together, or is that only me? I think that when tomorrow I wake, everything will seem better. I'll write you something funny or sweet, and we'll all laugh together. But for today, I'm feeling low, a white flag above my head. I wanted Ben & Jerry's, but I wrote a poem instead.